Ready to have your first time gay sex? Here are some tips to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible.

Are you ready to have your first time gay sex? If so, you’re likely feeling a mix of emotions: excitement, anticipation, nervousness. But don’t worry – we’ve got tips to make sure your experience is everything you hoped for. So read on, and get ready to have the time of your life!

Best first time gay sex tips

1. Know your worth

Self-worth is how you think of yourself. If you think of yourself as valuable you would devote your mind, body, and soul to people and things worth your time. You would hang around people who would exchange positive energy and have your best intentions at heart. On the other hand, if you have low self-worth you would give your body to anyone. That should never be the case at is very dangerous to your health and safety. With that being said you should never feel obligated to sleep with someone. Even if that guy looks like Trey Songz you should not give him all your time and energy.

If you are struggling with self-esteem issues then that’s something you really need to work on. My suggestion is to go on a self-healing process by meeting with a life coach or seeking individual or group therapy. During this process, you would discover your toxic traits and patterns and find ways to take better care of yourself.

2. Get to know your partner

This may sound cliche but it’s important to know who you plan to hook up with.  When I say “get to know” that means knowing more about a person than just if he’s a top or bottom.  You should know important personal life details like his family background, values, and goals. One of the most important things to know is their sexual health. There are so many instances where a guy sleeps with another guy unprotected under the assumption that they don’t have any infections. Next thing you know that person catches an STD. This may sound like I’m blaming but a lot of these situations can be prevented if they ask about their partner’s health status.

Another reason to get to know your partner is to protect your mental health. In my personal opinion, sex is not just a physical activity.  People who enjoy having casual sex freak would say otherwise.  But that is not true. Sex is an exchange of energy.  It involves the mind, body, and spirit even if it’s just a one-night stand.  So you need to know who you’re sleeping with to protect yourself from bad energy.  When I hooked up with assholes I always felt some type of sadness and hurt even if I knew it was going to be a hookup. 

3. Communicate your wants and needs

Sometimes we have a difficult time speaking up for ourselves. You want to tell the partner you’re with that you want the sex to be slow and intimate. You may hide the fact that you’re a virgin to show that you’re experienced. I understand these thoughts and feelings but it’s never ok to keep your mouth shut about your wants and feelings. Before you engage in any sexual relationship with someone you should first communicate your wants and needs.

If you don’t feel comfortable having sex on the first date let the guy know. If he decides to leave you because of that then let it be. At least you know early on what type of person he is and can avoid drama. Be upfront about when you would like to have sex. You don’t have to sound rude or disrespectful about it since it will only alter your message. You can simply say, “I will like to have sex once we enter a committed relationship”. There are guys out there that would actually respect you more for letting them know your boundaries.

I learned in life and had to learn the hard way is that closed mouths don’t get fed. You deserve the best. If you want a great sex life and meet quality partners let them know what you want or don’t want even if may sound weird.

4. Use protection

“The burden of infection is greater among HIV-infected men who have sex with men”

CDC.gov

To maintain your sexual health you should always carry protection. The best type of condoms to wear is latex since it doesn’t break as easily as non-latex.  Keep in mind that there is a specific way to use condoms. By not following proper directions accidents can happen like the condom breaking or skipping off easily. Another piece of advice is to not wear a Magnum condom if it doesn’t fit you. I know guys who would wear those types of condoms just to feel masculine.

5. Speak to a trusted source

Whether you’re heterosexual or homosexual having sex for the first time is nerve-wracking. Your heart will pump like a million miles per minute.  One of the best ways to feel more prepared for that special moment is to speak to a trusted source.

A trusted source can be a friend, family member, or certified professional.  Friends and family members can be good persons to confide in because they can have good access to the person you’re intimate with.  Based on that access they can feel out the person’s character and let you know if that person is right from you.

In my culture, the conversation of sex between parents and children is almost taboo. As a twelve-year-old, I didn’t know how to approach my parents on the topic of safe sex. Just even saying the word “sex” to my mother or father would make me cringe. Even as a full adult I feel very awkward speaking to my parents about sex.  If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to anyone in your immediate circle the best option is to go speak with a health professional or therapist.  While in school I learned a wealth of information about sexual health such as different contraceptives like dental dams and vaginal condoms.

6. Watch out for scammers

Scamming is so common nowadays. People are so desperate to get what they want and desire that people would scam their own families. And so, it should be no surprise to you that there are guys who would try to hookup up with you just and scam you. If your intuition is telling you to watch out for somebody listen to it. There have been times I didn’t listen to my tuition and I got screwed over. Here’s what happened to me.

I met a white guy around Penn Station many years ago and he looked decent. He was attractive and wore appropriate clothes. But something in the back of my mind told me that the dude was bugged out. Just something about the way he looked. Anyway, we spoke and as we ended our conversation he asked me for a transportation fare to get home. Another red flag!

Anyway, he hit me up a few days later asking to hang out. We met up and he explained to me that he was in the closet and that he’s trying to come to terms with his sexuality. I felt bad for him and explained to him that I would be there as a friend. When we departed again he asked me for $20 and I reluctantly gave it to him since he begged. I text him to see if he got home ok and his response was, “I can’t mix with any homosexuals because of my religious beliefs.” Yes, I just got played like that.

I shared my personal story to let you know that there are scum bags that will go to any length for money and sex. Don’t ever get phased by a person’s looks or charm. Stay woke!

7. Use good lubricant

If you’re being penetrated for the first time it will hurt. Even if it’s not your first time it may still hurt even if the dude penetrating you has a miniature dick. I remember my first anal sex experience like yesterday. It was painful but yet so pleasurable. That was the first and only time a guy fully penetrated me.

I was able to have an enjoyable anal experience since my partner used good lubricant. A person’s rectum is usually tight and one of the best ways to loosen it is with the proper lubricant like KY Jelly. Vaseline and spit are horrible alternatives and may actually damage your linings later on. Keep in mind that there are different types of lubricants:

• oil based- Best to use when having sex with another person
• water based- Best to use on sex toys like dildos and vibrators
• silicone based- Also great to use when having sex with another person

8. Clean yourself

Some of you might laugh at this piece of advice. But I’m being real.  There are people who don’t understand the process of douching especially if they never bottomed.

You will find hundreds of techniques online on how to clean yourself. Some of them make sense and others I would avoid like a plague. The simple method to clean your insides is by flushing water through your anal.  The best time to do this is while showering.  You would wet your index finger and slide it up and down your booty walls.  You can use a little soap just to remove any stench.

An advanced technique is to use an enema.  This is a device that sprays water in your rectum which cleans your colon. These can be easily purchased at a pharmacy or on Amazon.

9. Don’t rush to hookup

Hookups can be fun and exciting. I used to hook up with guys only after talking to them for one or two days on Adam4Adam and other gay hookup apps. There was this one video store by 34th Penn Station where I met an older handsome guy. We exchanged numbers and about a week later we hooked up. This was a common occurrence. Looking back I was lucky I didn’t get harmed. But then again if I did get harm they would’ve definitely regretted it.

There are so many cases where a guy meets another guy on Grindr and ends up becoming a victim of a violent crime. That is because the perpetrator is fearful of having his sexual identity being exposed. That is why if you initially meet someone online you should vet them out by going on multiple dates with them. Even if the initial encounter is face to face you should still go on several dates in a public setting. Through these dates, you can gauge whether or not this person is fit for you or just even safe to be around.

10. Acknowlege whether you’re hooking up or entering a relationship

People can be very manipulative. Before you decide to have sex with someone it’s important to know what exactly a hook-up is and what it means to be in a relationship.

A hookup is a casual sexual encounter. There are no strings attached and there is no intention to build an intimate relationship. When getting to know someone you should communicate whether or not you’re simply looking for sex or want to actually date. If that person can’t give you a straight answer RUN!!

A relationship is a commitment between two persons. It’s different from a hookup in that there’s an emotional connection. As I said before and will always say be clear and direct what you want before having sex with someone. I’ve seen so many men and women get hurt because they ended up hooking up with someone and were misled into thinking that the sexual encounter would lead to an actual relationship.

11. Identify your turn offs

Know your dislikes and dealbreakers. If you are dealing with someone who’s inconsistent and that’s a deal-breaker stand by it. I learned the hard way is that you should never accept just anything in your life. You are worthy and don’t need to tolerate bs.

12. Maintain emotional intimacy

Even if you plan to have a casual hook up with someone(which I don’t recommend) there should be some type of emotional connection. Emotional availability is important in any type of connection because it will make you feel safe and comfortable. If you meet a guy and he’s not emotionally available RUN fast! He can hurt either intentionally or unintentionally because he’s not in touch with his own emotions so he won’t care about yours.

13. Take needed breaks during sex

Depending on your stamina you may last a long or short session during sex. Regardless of how much sexual prowess you have in bed, you should still take breaks.

Resources for gay virgins

Growing up as a black homosexual one thing I desperately needed was resources to practice safe m2m sex. I didn’t know of any sexual health clinics and facilities geared towards the LGBTQ community. And so, I felt shame, guilt, and confusion when I had my first queer sexual experience. If I had to rewind that experience I would’ve first sought a gay health educator. If you are a gay virgin there are so many resources and places with valuable information on sexual health. Here are some of them:

• Gay Men’s Health Crisis (GMHC)– It’s one of the one oldest gay organizations on the world. The facility is based in New York City and has a staff of health professionals who will help you with questions about you about health & wellness. They also have so many other services including workorce development, mental & behavioral health, and advocacy.
• The Center– It’s like a one stop shop for the LGBTQ community. The Center is located by 14th St in Manhattan and is a beautiful builiding. There are hundreds of groups that meet there with all types of services incliuding sexual health and job training.
• Callen-Lorde- This is another community center for the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community. It has locations in Chelsea, Bronx, and Brooklyn. It offers behaviroal health services and takses both uninsured/underinsured patients. Callen-Lorde even works hand in hand with a pharmacy. If you’re a LGBTQ person and don’t feel comfortable going to Urgent Care or City MD Callen-Lorde is a great opition.

Wrap up

The best time to have sex is when you’re in the mood for it, and not just because your partner wants to. This might sound like a no-brainer but there are plenty of people who don’t feel that way. There’s this idea out there that if you want something done right then do it yourself or let someone else do it for you which can lead some men into thinking they should be able to get an erection at any given moment with little effort on their part. That may work sometimes, but more often than not you end up wasting everyone’s time – including yours! It takes two willing partners (or one unwilling partner) to make things happen so make sure both parties are ready before diving in headfirst.