Being old in the gay community is considered a dinosaur. In this blog post, I will talk about the experiences of gay mature men and how to navigate that journey.
Life is not easy, especially when you’re gay. Throughout time homosexuality has been condemned by mainstream society. Before the gay rights movement in many places, it was even a crime to engage in homosexual acts. And still, in many developing nations, homosexuality is criminalized. What even is that older gays face even more discrimination than other groups of gay men. And so I decided to write this guide to mature gay men like I survive these concrete jungles.
Discrimination against older gay mature men
There’s the saying, “You age like good wine”. As a gay man in my 30s, I feel good about my age. I feel it’s a gift to age. However, I did at one point have anxiety about getting older. The reason being is that older gay mature men are constantly excluded from the heterosexual community. And unfortunately, ageism is even more common in the gay community. know so many gay men in their 40s and above who suffer from insecurities and anxiety because of their age. Many times I see older men go into gay spaces and are given dirty looks and made fun of. The only exception is wealthy and athletic-built mature men. If you’re a middle-aged gay man who doesn’t fall into either category you are deemed worthless.
Gay bars for mature men
Townhouse
Townhouse is a gay bar for men with a big bag and those trying to chase them. It’s a cute bar in midtown with 2 floors and multiple rooms. It does look like a classic townhouse on the inside and outside. I been to Townhouse once and enjoyed myself. Most of the men were white older men who high paying jobs. I don’t remember there being any hip-hop or R&B music being played.
Gym Sport Bar
This is a gay bar in Chelsea with 2 floors. The first floor has a bar that stretches from the entrance of the venue to the middle portion of the venue. In the back of the venue are two pool tables which makes the experience more fun if you don’t drink.
Resources for gay mature men
SAGE
Services & Advocacy for GLBT Elders (SAGE) is an organization geared especially towards older gay persons. It is the oldest and biggest LGBTQ oldest organization for older persons. They offer many valuable resources including housing, service for veterans, and case management. There are different chapters throughout the country. SAGE NYC is the NYC chapter whose office is located in Manhattan.
Stonehall Housing
Stonehall Housing is affordable LGBTQ housing in Fort Greene, Brooklyn. This is such a great project for two reasons. First, it’s affordable duh! Rent in New York City is crazy expensive, especially in downtown Brooklyn. You will be paying at least $1200 for a studio alone in a cramped space. Affordable housing allows low and middle-income individuals to pay rent which is less than 33% of their income. This is such a huge benefit for many gay seniors who often live alone and struggle to pay rent in a regular apartment. Another advantage to living in Stonewall Housing is that it’s catered to gay older men. Despite NYC being a gay-friendly city a lot of hate crime still goes on against homosexual men. Fortunately, I’ve never been physically assaulted for being gay. But I’m still very cautious of my safety because of my sexuality. Older gay men, are usually more physically vulnerable due to aging and are more likely victims of hate crimes. Stonewall Housing is a safe haven for those LGBTQ seniors who want to live and be in a safe environment with other LGBTQ persons.
Gay dating resources
Tinder
I’m a traditional person when It comes to dating. I prefer to meet guys in person than online to get a better feel of their character. One dating app I would recommend is Tinder (the app has mostly heterosexual users but there’s a feature where you can filter out gay/bi men). The app is used by many professional men who are usually seeking long-term romances. On other dating apps, I’ve used you would find more men looking for hookups and casual sex encounters. You would see men get in your inbox and send explicit nude photos without you asking. Men look for sex on Tinder as well but it doesn’t happen as often.
Amari Means Love
Amari Ice is a gay dating coach/matchmaker. I’ve actually gone through coaching sessions by Amari and can say that he is legit. He gives valuable advice on dating within the gay community and ways we can become more dateable. One of the biggest takeaways I learned from him is self-healing. In the gay community, we experience a lot of traumas and unresolved issues for not being able to fully express our sexuality. Amari offers hypnotherapy to help with those issues. If you’re gay and struggle with dating like many gay men do you should definitely enroll in coaching by Amari. The price is a little steep but well worth it.
Better Way to Meet
Better Way to Meet is another dating service for gay men. The person that spearheads this service is Lamont Scales, a black gay dating coach, and matchmaker. Lamont is an experienced gay man who’s married and has coached many gay men. He’s been in his field for some time so he actually knows what he’s talking about when it comes to gay dating. Lamont’s services are affordable compared to other dating services where you pay $300 and more for a one-hour session.
Wrap up
Being an older gay is a beautiful thing. With age comes knowledge and wisdom. However, many LGBTQ persons overlook that for status, looks, and material possessions. Many younger LGBTQ folks don’t remember or are just fully unaware of how the older generation paved the way for many LGBTQ persons. The gay rights movement was heavily influenced by the Stone Wall Rights of 1969 and was led by many gay older men and women. Had they not been involved in the movement the gay spaces we have today probably won’t be in existence.
If you’re a gay senior remember that you are valuable. If you feel neglected or struggling to live a fulfilling life there are resources out there like some of the ones I’ve mentioned above.